Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Stumptown Departure

The moment Portland became the Portland that Portland is now was precipitated by a witty little Keno commercial in the heady, early days of Oregon's lottery era. I copy/paste another guy's rendition of the little one-man, two-figurine, as it unfolded on our TVs in-between the things we intended to watch:

A somewhat disheveled, more than somewhat goofy-looking YOUNG MAN in his
late 20¹s sits alone at a table. He appears quite bored as he sips his
drink. It is one of those tropical cocktail monstrosities that come with
an umbrella and small plastic figurines. Awful lounge piano music comes
from somewhere in the bar.
The YOUNG MAN picks up the two figurines, a MERMAID and a SCUBA DIVER, and
begins to play with them, in a Gen-X, ennui-ridden sort of way.
                         YOUNG MAN
                   (In a bad French accent,
                   brandishing the SCUBA DIVER.)
               Come wit¹ me, Goddess of the Sea, and
               explore see depths of zee great cocktail.
The YOUNG MAN turns toward the MERMAID, in his other hand.
                         YOUNG MAN
                    (Now, as MERMAID, in an indignant
                Get away from me, you Frogman!!
                         YOUNG MAN
                     (SCUBA DIVER again)
                But I am Jacques!! World-renowned
                oceanographer and TV star!!
                         YOUNG MAN
                      (Back to MERMAID mode, lovingly now)
                Oh Jacques....
                      (Suddenly indignant again)
                Let¹s see how well you swim!!
The YOUNG MAN uses the MERMAID figurine to knock the SCUBA DIVER figurine
into his drink.
                                               CUT TO:
XCU: The SCUBA DIVER floats slowly down to the bottom of the glass.
                         YOUNG MAN
                     (O.S., as SCUBA DIVER, sounding
                Curiously, my tiny plastic body does not
                float so good.
                                              DISSOLVE TO:
                Keno, anyone?
                                              FADE TO BLACK.
Of course, this being The Moment, is purely my opinion. 

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